Paul Krugman’s Explaination Of The GOP Medicare “Plan” in 200 Words Or Less

As usual Paul Krugman has it right. This time he sums up Paul Ryan’s “Medicare” “Plan” in one paragraph:

Here’s an analogy: think of Medicare as a footbridge that is deteriorating and will eventually become unsafe. You could propose structural repairs to fix its faults; Ryan doesn’t do that. Instead, he proposes knocking the bridge down and replacing it with trampolines, in the hope that pedestrians can bounce across the stream. And the Post declares that he deserves credit for pointing out that the bridge is falling down, and proposing a solution. Um, we knew that the bridge was in bad shape — and his solution is a fraud.

Personally I think my Medicare/Medicaid plan, euthanize the old and the poor, is much better.

A. It’s a structural reform
B. It reduces the deficit quicker, sooner, and cheaper
C. It involves fire (At least if you want to do it the cool way)

I mean if you’re slowly going to kill of the old and poor through inadequate health care and spending cuts “on accident”, why wait? There’s a budget crisis right now damnit! And if you’re a Republican who cares exclusively for deficit reduction, no matter how much you fuck over the elderly and the poor, you might as well skip the gimmicks and support my plan. Added bonus: dead people pay no taxes!

After all, what’s the difference between my plan and Ryan’s plan? Subtlety and the ability to use fire.

Score one for my plan.

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My Life Story As Told Through Instant Messaging

So here’s the deal.

A female friend of mine randomly IMed me early tonight to complain about being unable to pick out a swimsuit to wear tomorrow.

Riiiight. Like I’m the person to ask about that kind of stuff. Anyone who’s had more than a five second conversation with me should known that I A) know jack shit about women’s fashion and B) Don’t give a shit about it.But whatever, I’ll help out a friend in need because, I’m just a caring individual like that. ( hahaha… Sorry, even I couldn’t type that with a straight face.)

So I tell her that in all seriousness, there’s no way for me to give her my advice unless shes going to try on each suit and send me a picture. There’s no way she’d go through all that effort right? After all, feigning an attempt to help is the best way to get points for generosity without actually having to do anything. (That tips’ free boys.)

But to my surprise she eagerly agreed to try on each suit for me.

Dammit. Now I actually have to talk about clothing.

Ugh.

Being the optimist that I am, I quickly realize that the silver lining in all this is that I at least get to see a chick in a multiple bikini’s. Resigned to my fate, I eventually convince myself to get excited about this. After all, girls, camera’s, and little to no clothing. That’s the triple crown of a guy’s life.

But of course, all good things must come to an end. As many men reading this already know; women have a sixth sense about the happiness of men. Whenever they sense it, they feel a maternal urge to stop it at all cost.It’s like the Osama Bin Laden of the male -female relationship. Women must destroy it whatever it takes.

That of course lead to this conversation:

LeBron’s Heartthrob: I’m sleepy

Me: dont crap out on me already

Me: we have a bathing suit to pick

Me: and the night is young

LeBron’s Heartthrob: I know lol

LeBron’s Heartthrob: But I’m pooped

Me: better hurry and get this done

LeBron’s Heartthrob: I’m in bedddd

Me: excuses excuses

LeBron’s Heartthrob: yep

LeBron’s Heartthrob: Good thing I do what I want

So before we even start…before a single bikini picture is exchanged she suddenly decides that she’s “too tired”? Fuck, that noise.

Look, I know that she’s been feeling down lately because the same boy that cheats on her cheated on her for the umpteenth time. I understand that girls are “delicate flowers” that need to be handle with the utmost care, but seriously. Don’t beg for my help about women’s fashion, get me excited about the prospect of scantly clad women and then change your mind because you, the person who typically stays up till 4am, is mysteriously tired at only 10pm.

Me:  Doing what you want, also known as crying and feeling sorry for yourself

LeBron’s Heartthrob: You really are an asshole

LeBron’s Heartthrob: There is absolutely nothing good that can come from a statement like that

LeBron’s Heartthrob: Good night

AIM Message: LeBron’s Heartthrob is offline

I’m the asshole? I think clearly, I am the victim here.

The Paranoia That is The Republican Party

I am absolutely committed to working with Congress and the auto companies to meet one goal: the United States of America will lead the world in building the next generation of clean cars.

President Obama
March 30th Press Conference

When I read this I interpret it to mean that President Obama wants American car manufacturers to create cleaner cars.

When Jonolan reads this he interprets it:

This simple statement shows that Obama and his Liberals are interested in far more than a financial restructuring of the Big-Three; they want control over the industry and are willing to our tax dollars and legislation in order to get it.

Yeah, exactly.

And therein lies the problem with being a republican. Its requires you to be really really stupid sometimes.

The funny thing about conservative politics is that a large amount of it is pretty much based on a completely irrational fear. Its probably as close as you can get to schizophrenia without requiring medication.

When I worked for republicans in 2006 I was amazed at how much your standard rank and file republicans were frozen with fear over what they perceived to be a “secret liberal agenda”

Liberals want to raise our taxes! Take our guns! and Increase the size of the government! OH NOEZ!!!!!!!!

Of course I found this funny because as a liberal I’ve never once woke up in the morning and asked myself “Hmmm how can I increase the size of the government today?” (I’m not really a liberal but to republicans every democrat is a Michael Moore-Ted Kennedy love child)

Now you would think that as a liberal, I could provide pretty good insight as to what happens during our “secret meetings”. Nope, not according to conservatism which posses the ability to know the heart of a liberal better than a liberal. You know, kind of like how The Shadow knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? Except in this case it wouldn’t be the shadow who is dark and thus has no place in the Republican party.

Burns of The Day: The House GOP Budget

John Rogers on conservatism’s obsession with Ayn Rand and Atlas Shrugged:

There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.

Atom-buuuuurn.

DNC Spokesperson Hari Sevugan on the House GOP “budget” :

“I’m all for changing the way we do business in Washington, but proposing a ‘budget’ that doesn’t use numbers may be too much for me. After 27 days, the best House Republicans could come up with is a 19-page pamphlet that does not include a single real budget proposal or estimate. There are more numbers in my last sentence than there are in the entire House GOP ‘budget.’”

Robert Gibbs on The Republican budget “proposals”

Ezra Klein and one of his commentators team up to slam the GOP budget:

If you’re having a bad day, I highly encourage you to spend some quality time with the Republican budget proposal. It’s reads like what would happen if The Onion put together a budget. ”

It’s like someone showed them a flowchart. Once. And only for a few seconds. And refused to explain it.
That looks like something they wrote it on a cocktail napkin over happy hour. It reminds me of the Underwear Gnomes on South Park:

Step one- steal underpants
Step two- ?
Step three- tax cuts
Step four- Profit!