Water Bottle to Justin Bieber: I Say Fuck You

I’ll be honest, I don’t really know who Justin Bieber is. I remember vaguely hearing the name closely followed by the phrase “12 year old girls love him” so I did a youtube search. 3.4 seconds later, I was throughly convinced that this child was the epitome of all that is evil and wrong with this world. So I calledth upon the lord to strike down my enemy. And I said

Lord this is Phil, fire for effect, Polar, over
Direction XXXX Distance XXXX Down 35*
1 Jackass, in the open

To which God replied : “Splash over”

To which I replied, “Splash out” :

Consider yourself warned child…Phil Allen does not fuck around.

*Direction and Distance intentionally omitted because…why would I give out the location to the Bat cave? Duh..

My Life According To UnderOath

I usually ignore these random facebook “games” but this one seemed kind of interesting. Since I’m in an Underoath kind of mood I decided to use their song titles. I’ve hyper linked my anwsers to the lyircs of each song. Click on them; you might find something you like. Enjoy!

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 12 (or a million) people you like. You can’t use the band I used. Do not repeat a song title. It’s a lot harder than you think! Repost as “My Life According to (BAND NAME)”

Pick Your Artist: Underoath

Are you a male or female?

A Boy Brushed Red … Living In Black And White

Describe yourself:

Young and Aspiring

How do you feel:

I Don’t Feel Very Receptive Today

Describe where you currently live:

The Created Void

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:

A Moment Suspended In Time

Your favorite form of transportation:

Moving For The Sake Of Motion

Your best friend is:

Everyone Looks So Good From Here

What’s the weather like:

Short Of Day Break

Favorite time of day:

When The Sun Sleeps

If your life was a tv show, what would it be called:

In Regards To Myself

What is life to you:

Breathing In A New Mentality

Your relationships:

Anyone Can Dig A Hole But It Takes A Real Man To Call It Home

Your fear:

Casting Such A Thin Shadow

What is the best advice you have to give:

It’s Dangerous Business Walking Out Your Front Door

If you could change your name, you would change it to:

Burden In Your Hands

My soul’s present condition:

Some Will Seek Forgiveness, Others Escape

My motto:

I Got 10 Friends And A Crowbar That Says You Aint Gonna Do Jack

An Open Letter To The Beatles

Dear Beatles

Joe Cocker called. He said stop singing his fucking song. Yes I know you originally wrote and performed the song but Joe Cocker owns you at it. Don’t believe me? Fine, let’s compare:

The Beatles:

Joe Cocker:

Nuff said.

That’s right Mr McCartney. You got owned by a dude who’s famous for playing the air guitar on stage at Woodstock. You have Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts but they have Brian May, Woodstock, and most importantly the Wonder Years.

PS. Sing more songs in German