Awesome AIM Conversations: THE SEQUEL, THE PREQUEL, THE DISAPPOINTING TRIOLOGY’S END

Katy: “So apparently it picks random pictures of me with stuff in my face. ”
Phil: Good thing you don’t have any pictures from the NPDA after party then…
Katy: If you were here, I’d hit you for that remark. Since you aren’t, I’ll play along and say: Phil, you know facebook prohibits those kinds of photos. Ha, ha.
Phil: If I were there and you hit me I’d say “ohhh kinky.” But since you aren’t I’ll play along and say: Katy, facebook might prohibit those photo’s but my personal collection does not.

****

Chad: the best stuff was when he was in love with a girl you’ve already banged
Chad that gave an extra tense awesomeness to it
Chad: touchy subject?
Phil: haha
Phil: hell no
Phil: remember, i was the one that exposed that to most of the facebook world
Chad: about to say – i didn’t think you had feelings
Phil: i dont have feelings…where my feelings are supposed to be is just extra awesome

****

Chad: i read some of your blog today – most of it reviled me…but i kept on reading. the sign of a great author
Phil: thanks
Phil: i go for that disturbing yet addicting aspect

****

Phil: *grabs boob*
Steph: gross
Phil: THEY WERE ON FIRE
Phil: IS A THANK YOU TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?!?
Steph: shut up
Phil: psh
Phil: last time i stop you from errupting in a glorious blaze
Phil: so how was your day?

 

****

And for Matt and Foy

Kryztal: its apple
Phil: you have a macbook
Phil: i find you infinitely more attractive

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Georgia Politics and The Logistics of Fucking a Mule

What the fuck kind of ship are they running down there in Georgia, where gubernatorial candidates are going around fucking mules ? Yes, I know he said he did it “in the past” when “he was young”. But once a mule fucker, always a mule fucker.

And I swear to god if this guy is against same gay marriage…

AIM Conversations: Sometimes I Say Inappropriate Things

Phil: im surprised you didnt respond with a quip about how tight your vagina is
Hannah: i don’t mind discussing other people’s, but mine is off limits
Phil: talk of your supple breast are okay but the vagina is where you cross the line?
Hannah: i never said that they were, i just said they werent old and saggy.
Phil: and FYI you said you have good boob genes
Hannah: ok, i did.
Hannah: but that is a fact.
Phil: but your tight vagina isn’t a fact?

****

Phil: YOU LOVE THAT CAT MORE THAN ME
Steph: No I hate you both
Phil: True, but the cat’s never been inside you
Phil: …right?
Steph: Neither have you
Phil: Excuse me…a game of just the tip counts thank you very much.

****

Phil: I love tequila. It makes women take their clothes off
Rachael: Not always
Phil: Oh my fault. I must be confusing tequila with my mad game.

****

Phil: I blogged about slamming you on facebook
Hannah: I did read that btw. That sir was very mean
Hannah: my boobs definetely do not sag
Hannah: I have good boob genes…my mom’s boobs were still perky when she died at 43
Phil: This is so going on my blog
Hannah: oh god

****

Phil: Alcohol is a mans best friend
Hannah: It really is
Hannah: When i think of the good fortune that some guys had of sleeping with me when I was retardely drunk…
Phil: haha
Hannah: its true, i’m much better when I’m drunk
Phil: blogging this…
Hannah: Goddamn it!

A Facebook Status Worth Killing For?

Is it bad that my first thought after reading this was “Well at least they’re using Facebook.” ?

But seriously bro man…murder? That’s pretty harsh dude. Its not like she blocked you or anything. I mean what kind of petty jackass would do a thing like that?

And if you’d been reading my blog, ASSHOLE, you’d know that if you are going to kill someone you should restrict it to vegetarians, communists, and people who buy Spice Girls CD’s.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t support murder, just maximizing your returns. (I’m a capitalist through thick and thin!)

But what really bugs me is the shame that you’ve brought to the facebook community. I might expect this kind of behavior from a 14 year old asian girl, aka a myspace user, but choosing facebook over myspace signals to the world that you’re of a higher class of people.

I only hope that in addition to the life time sentence you’re likely to receive, the court kicks you off facebook and creates a myspace profile for you. I’ll even throw in a pair of ovaries and a Xanga blog while they’re at it. That way you can blog about getting banged in the ass by your cell mate Bubba.

Why?

Because the moral of this story is that PEOPLE WHO DON’T READ MY BLOG EVENTUALLY GET BANGED IN THE ASS.

in addition to a select few girls who do read it. (Hi Rachel!)

Insulting The Masses. One Twitter at a Time.

I’ve been getting away with murdah. MURDAH:

World_dictator:

“Is it bad that I’m amused that there are people who cryout “God help me!” when they’re asking me for help.”

Rezilla:

“Mom just called to say she feels really bad for the broom and the mop in those Swiffer commercials . . .”

World_dictator:

“Middle school teachers are seeking my advice for their lesson plans. We should all be afraid for the children of America. Very afraid.”

World_dictator:

“She told me she was a women’s studies major, I told her I was glad she’s learning how to cook.”

World_dictator:

“I’d never wish cancer on anyone *halo*
…but if I did I’d wish it on people who say things like “I don’t eat partially hydrogenated oils”

Rezilla:

“Is it that bad if I drop a class because it’s only an elective and I’d rather play PS3 than go?”

World_dictator:

You’d probably feel less miserable if you weren’t a vegetarian. Eating the flesh of small animals always cheers me up when I’m feeling down