My Conversations Are Way Funnier Than Yours

Jason: Hey, do black people  do that too? You know, say “oh this white guy I know”.
Phil: Usually we just say “our boss”, and it’s implied.

****

Rachael: soooo when did you wanna meet up again? I think I’m fertil- I mean, free in about 3 weeks….
Phil: I don’t think your mouth can get you pregnant
Rachael: that’s what YOU think… I got cheeks like a chipmunk and a brand new turkey baster in my purse
Phil: … well played, sir.

The Most Awesome Book Tour In The Universe

The most awesome book tour in the universe* by the writer of the (second) most awesome page in the universe. Maddox hasn’t written a lot of in the past few years, instead choosing to focus on his lucrative book contract that…you know pays him millions of dollars and such, but his picture oriented recollection of his book tour is pretty fucking ninja. Check it out or he’ll bang your girlfriend.

The Best Book Tour In The Universe

BEST.B-MOVIE.EVER

Those of you who saw Grindhouse probably remember getting a laugh at the fake trailers that were shown in between movies. The funniest trailer was no doubt, Machette which stared Danny Trejo as the “star”.

Well supply and demand is a bitch because apparently they’re making the once popular trailer into a real movie. And check out the cast

It began production this week on `Machete,’ the film that Robert Rodriguez is co-directing with protege Ethan Maniquis. Danny Trejo is playing the title character and Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, Steven Seagal, Lindsay Lohan, Cheech Marin, Don Johnson and Jeff Fahey play supporting roles.

No, that’s not a typo. Jessica Alba in the same movie as Don Johnson. Robert De Niro in the same movie as Cheech (think Cheech and Chong). Hell, I figured the only way I’d ever see Lindsey Lohan and Steven Seagal in the same movie was if the two struggling actors tried to restart their ignominous careers by releasing a sex tape together.

This cast defies all rules and customs of cinema. Its almost as if  Barney started working on a new movie with Britney spears as his love interest.

In case you didn’t see the original Grindhouse trailer for Machete here’s a youtube clip of it:





Awesome Phil Fact 3..7..9? Oh Fuck It…

This one’s for Kryztal…

When I was in the 6th grade all of the classes in the school came together to create a “mock” hotel where every student was assigned a real life position based on their skill, personality, and aptitude. Some kids were hosts, some kids were dealers, some kids were cooks. We even had a president.

And me?

Well the teachers felt the need to create a special position for me…

Sensitivity Director

They told me the comedic irony was too funny to resist.