Apparently Hot Chicks Like Ray Bradbury

I’m not going to comment…just watch the video below entitled “Fuck Me, Raybradbury”

What’s funny is that half the people got this and the other half are completely lost right now.

Click here for a high def version of the video. A special treat at the bottom of the link shows a picture of 90 year old Ray Bradbury watching the video..

The Proper Way to Quit Your Job

When I first saw this title I wasn’t too terribly interest. But far be it from me to question the wisdom and rugged handsomeness of  Captain Mal Nathan Fillion. So I checked it out and man am I glad I did. Because this is pretty fucking funny, more so because its apparently very real.* And on top of that, she had the balls to email it to the entire office. Balls I say, balls.

Hot Girl Quits Job on Dry Eraseboard

(h/t to @Nathan Fillion)

I’d still marry her.

Woman Starts Fight Over Chicken Nuggets

This…

Is…

Awesome…

WOMAN STARTS FIGHT OVER CHICKEN NUGGETS

Apparently the fight was started because the woman in the car wanted Chicken McNuggets which of course no McDonald’s serves at 9am. At first glance I’m sure most people will admonish the use of violence over such a trivial matter. But to be fair to the woman in the car Chicken McNuggets are good. And to be more fair, hitting people in the face is funny. Really, if we’re going to blame anyone, and we should because blaming others is fun, we should blame McDonald’s. Why can’t I order your tasty tasty chicken McNuggets anytime I want. Here in America we believe in a little thing called freedom, commie.

This brutal attack is the first among many. Me and my followers pledge to hilariously beat the shit out of more McDonald’s employee’s working the drive thru until our demands are met! Our numbers are large and our resolve, larger. Do not attempt to thwart our plans. For we are your postmen, neighbors, school teachers and late night walmart greeters. We live amongst you by day and beat the shit out of you by early morning night. You can not stop us, because we are more than a movement. We are an idea. A tasty tasty idea…

Water Bottle to Justin Bieber: I Say Fuck You

I’ll be honest, I don’t really know who Justin Bieber is. I remember vaguely hearing the name closely followed by the phrase “12 year old girls love him” so I did a youtube search. 3.4 seconds later, I was throughly convinced that this child was the epitome of all that is evil and wrong with this world. So I calledth upon the lord to strike down my enemy. And I said

Lord this is Phil, fire for effect, Polar, over
Direction XXXX Distance XXXX Down 35*
1 Jackass, in the open

To which God replied : “Splash over”

To which I replied, “Splash out” :

Consider yourself warned child…Phil Allen does not fuck around.

*Direction and Distance intentionally omitted because…why would I give out the location to the Bat cave? Duh..