How To Start an AIM Conversation

So apparently there are hundreds of people who flock to my blog looking for advice on how to start an AIM conversation. Jack’s sense of Flattery meet Jack’s sense of HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW TO START A CONVERSATION ON INSTANT MESSENGER?!?!

(Hint: Type the words “hey”. Hit enter. Wait for Reply)

But fortunately for my social inept readers, I’m a firm believer of supply and demand. (God bless capitalism and all the little kids you put to work in the mines)

After followng a few of “Daddy Phil’s” pointers for busting a mac on girls, because really, who else is worth talking to online, you’ll be having enough fun for you, me, and Mr. McGee. And if you’re a pimp, Mrs. McGee.

So get ready to open up your knowledge baskets kiddos because I’m about to drop some on you.


Women always say they want a guy who is up front and honest. (Haha, honesty. That’s funny. Women are silly little things aren’t they?) Teach the female sex the truth about honesty with this little line I call the “Direct Approach”.

You: Hi. Do you have daddy issues?
Her: umm, no.
You: Okay, goodbye

Three words. Waste.Of.Time

This one’s a two-fer.

First part: One of the biggest problems guys have with women is that many of them are actually quite boring. Ladies, your boobs are not a replacement for good conversation. Unless of course the conversation is about your boobs in which case I’m very interested in what you have to say.

Second part: If there’s two things women love, its a guy who’s A. Intellegent and well read and B. Listens to and values their opinion. A+B=C, where C = Getting laid.

See if this adds up in a move I like to call “The Pivot”

You: Hey what’s up
Her: Nothing much, you?
You: Just reading this article “Face or Mouth: A woman’s perspective”. What are your thoughts?

In one fell swoop you can come across as well read, ask a girl her opinion, and pivot the conversation to something actually worth discussing.

You might laugh but I’ve personally used this line many times. If you’re lucky enough you might even hear the nine most beautiful words in the english language. “As long as it doesn’t get in my hair.”

Let’s face it guys. Girls love a caring guy who can empthaze with their problems. Unfortunately for us, most guys only feel empathy when their buddy gets kicked in the nuts and only care if the Broncos cover the spread.

Show the ladies your thoughtful and caring side by using a little move I call “Operation My Penis in Your Vagina.” (Yeah I know..I ran out of funny names)

You: I’m going to let the science speak for itself.
You: So what time should I come over (Haha, puns get me laid)

So go on wankers. Go get some online ass. Just make sure she’s over 18. You’ll thank me when you’re not getting pounded in the ass by Bruno.


4 thoughts on “How To Start an AIM Conversation

  1. Best article yet. Let me know when you’ve finished developing the line that gets you the Tricycle (needs a good name, too).

  2. Pingback: The Best of Cognitive Dissonance: It’s Like Memory Lane, Except With Alcohol and Assholes | Cognitive Dissonance

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