Israel Right; Israel Wrong. Palestinians Dead Either Way

Israel’s response to Hamas rocket attacks that killed no Israeli’s but injured dozens? Multiple prolongued air strikes that
killed 280 Palestinians and injured 600
.

Way to go Israel, way to go.

As anyone who knows me can atest, I’m probably the biggest hawk when it comes to national security issues but there’s a little thing called a proportionate use of retaliatory force. The kind of logic that says the fact that you punched me in my face is no excuse for hitting you with my car.

Of course by now, most of the people reading this have probably pegged me as anti Israeli, or pro palestinian. That, however is the furtherst thing from the truth. I am a big believer in the right of a nation to use force to defend itself against an external opponent. But like any theory, an element of pragmatism must be applied. At some point the use of force, no less excessive force, reaches the point of diminishing return. A point where your aggressive “self defense” only puts Israel and America in danger.

Israel supporters are quick to point out that Israel is in the right because they’re just defending themselves. On this point I fully agree. Israel has a right to exist and a right to retaliate to attacks against their nation.

But all of this is a red herring for the underlying issue. Just because you are right doesn’t mean your actions are right.

It only takes a moment of common sense to realize that Israel isn’t going to be “wiped off the map” anytime soon. More importantly, Hamas with their weaker weapons, inferior weapons technology, and smaller army, has as much chance of destroying Israel as the Alaska Independence party has of overthrowing the American government.

So in the interest of preserving the life of future generations of Israeli and Palestinian children let’s put the politics and religion aside for a moment and be honest with ourselves. 50 years of perpetual attacks hasn’t worked. I think its time both sides tried something different.

Watchmen Movie in Danger: Judge Gives Fox Execs Blockbuster Movie for Christmas

For those of you not following along, Warner Brothers and Fox studios have been arguing over who owns the distribution rights to Watchmen. Because Fox hasn’t made a good movie in years, they’ve decided to piggyback on another studio’s movie.

And with a surprise Christmas ruling, District Judge Gary Feess ruled that 20th Century Fox owns at least partial copyright to Warner Brothers’ movie Watchmen.

Thanks a-fucking-lot douchebags.

So what does that mean for everyone eagerly awaiting the March 9th release date of Alan Moore’s classic?

1. The executives at 20th Century Fox
can eat several dicks.

2. Watchmen’s release date is up in the air, completely unresolved and the movie is in serious danger of being shit canned. Despite already being, you know…made and what not.

I won’t bore you with the messy legal details that I personally find oh so interesting, but like most people with common sense, my opinion can be summed up like this: If you believe some one is about to violate your “rights”, and I use the term loosely here as I believe most of this is just contractual bullshit, then you should say something beforehand.

Case in point. If you’re 20th century Fox why did you wait until the movie was completely finished before bringing this case to suit?

Why didn’t you bring suit when they hired Terry Gilliam to direct eight years ago? Or when they hired David Hayter six years ago to replace Gilliam? Or when Arnofosky replaced Hayter four years ago? Or When Paul Greengrass was hired two years ago? Or When Zack Snyder was hired?

My point is, the development of this movie wasn’t a secret. It didn’t happen over night. A Watchmen film has been in various stages of development for nearly a decade and at any point you could’ve chimed in and said “HEY”, but you didn’t. So stop being assholes just because X3 sucked and move over so other people can make real movies.

BBC: CIA Helping Afghanistan Warlords Get Laid

Finally my taxpayer dollars are being spent wisely.

This just goes to show that there’s no problem that can’t be solved
by getting laid :

According to the BBC, the CIA has come up with a suprisingly effective inducement to get information from warlords in Afghanistan. Viagra.

The younger tribal leaders know about the drug already, but the older chiefs often don’t, and for them, its a godsend. “In one case, a 60 year old warlord with four wives was given four pills and four days lated detailed Talibain movements in return for more.” says the BBC.

An agent involved in this trade went into more detail. The particular warlord was in his 60’s and had four younger wives. The pills were explained, and offered. Four days later, the agents say, “He came up to us beaming. He said “You are a great man.”

Only one question. As my friend Jesse Singal e-mails, “Is this hard power or soft power?”

The male penis. Bringing peace to the world since the dawn of time.

Tucker Max Fucks Midgets Like R Kelly Pees on Underage Girls

If there’s one thing this blog is missing its humorous stories about having sex with midgets. Sadly, and I say this with much embarassment, I have no stories of my own to share with you guys and gals. Thankfully, there are other assholes like Tucker Max who have hi-larious stories about fucking midgets little people that they’re
willing to share
.

Here’s one of my favorite parts:

You see, I have fucked an amputee and a set of twins. If you add in a midget, you are looking at a legendary trifecta. How many other people can say they’ve done that?

Seriously, raise your hand if you even know someone who’s done that. Yeah, some of you have fucked midgets. Some of you have fucked amputees. Some have even fucked a set of twins. But how many can honestly say you have done all three categories?

I’m not going to say that I’m the only guy on earth who has done this, but I would bet you could fit all of us into a Prius.

Don’t hate. Appreciate.

My Thoughts: Christmas Time!

1. There is no debate. Die Hard is the best Christmas movie ever. The second best Christmas movie? Die Hard 2. End of discussion.

CORRECTION: in all fairness Rocky IV should probably take the #2 spot behind the original Die Hard movie. Dolph Lundgrin was money as Ivan Drago.

2. Christmas proves that racism in America is alive and well. White guy comes down your chimney, breaks into your house, and eats your food he’s a holiday hero. Black guy comes down your chimney, breaks into your house and eats your food you call the cops.

3. There is only one appropriate holiday greeting during Christmas and that’s “Merry fucking Christmas.” If you say “happy holidays” I’ll stab you in the jaw with a shank made from a candy cane.

4. Its time to be honest with yourself. Egg nog sucks. You know its the truth, just admit it.

5. Hanukkah = Eight days. Kwanzaa = Seven days…Minorities- 2, The White Man- 0

6. Girls, give your man the gift every little boy wants. A tricycle.

7. PS. Guys, If you didn’t understand. #6 you’re gay. Both literally and pejoratively.

8. If you call it “American football” post your home address in the comments section so I can come over and kick your ass.

…That doesn’t really have anything to do with Christmas, but its worth saying nonetheless.

9. Do people actually eat fruit cake? I mean really. I don’t know a single person that’s ever had fruit cake. More importantly, why would you ever ruin a cake by putting fruit in it?

10. The most attractive part of a Christmas cap? The back of it. Giggity