Movies That Suck: Max Payne In My Ass

Well that movie sucked.

(Warning: if you have an IQ lower than a coconut you might want to avoid reading this review because there’s minor spoilers.)

Max Payne is a great movie if you like eating a plate full of suck with typical movie cliche’s sprinkled on top. There’s no excuse for making movies this bad. If Max Payne was a B movie it would still suck.

Its ironic that one of the movie’s main themes is the schizophrenia (spelled it right on the first try) associated with doing drugs because throughout the movie you can’t help but wonder if the writer was on drugs when he wrote this. The script reads like a schizophrenic hodge podge of three different plots that have been crammed together in 1 hour and 30 mins of crap. Of course this leaves the viewer with lots of questions, which never get answered, and lots of questioning regarding certain aspects of the movie, like what was the point of  Mila Kunis’ character? I saw more plot development in the sequel to Debbie Does Dallas. (Didn’t know there was a sequel? EXACTLY! This movie is that bad.)

I feel bad for the poor SOB who directed this abomination. The movie really does have a nice look to it. And while the acting is “eh” its obviously the script more than the actors.

The only positive benefit I can find in this movie’s existence is my hope that it will be shown to all first year film students as example A of how NOT to make a movie. Max Payne represents a “Who’s Who” on the list of things that can possibly go wrong in a movie. Medocre acting, nonsensical action sequences, and a script so retarded I swear it came out of Sarah Palin’s vagina. I hope the person who wrote this isn’t pro life because… well, you get the point.

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One thought on “Movies That Suck: Max Payne In My Ass

  1. From a true fan of the video games, I found myself mildly entertained by this guilty pleasure. I know it’s not the greatest thing ever, but I was still watching it, even in its worst moments. Nice info, check out my review when you can!

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