How to be an Asshole With Style

An interaction between my boss and me at work…

Jen: i’m going to kill you
Jen: i have a direct line of fire from my office
Phil: That’s fine. Then you won’t have me to do all your work for you
Jen: i also started a rumor you have an std… i hope you feel the same way about that.
Phil: thats funny because i also started a rumor we were sleeping together
Phil: oops

****

Phil: what’s this facebook invite for?
Christina: A money bomb for McCain
Phil: haha no
Christina: oh come on
Christina: i rather take it up the ass for 4 more years and see my girl in the white house
Phil: Fine, If you let me give you anal ill vote for mccain
Christina: …
Phil: Thought so

****

Phil: How’s Brian? Is he glad you’re back?
Sarah: OF COURSE!! Can you imagine being away from ME for 2 whole weeks.
Phil: ….
Phil: I’m sorry, I’m not a particularly religious person so I’m having a hard time imagining heaven on Earth

****

Phil:  i told Rachel that I think the universe intentionally keeps us separated for longer than a few moments at a time in order to prevent the global consolidation of assholishness in one place
Tom: true
Tom: they’d have to open an abundance of suicide prevention centers wherever we lived
Tom:  to account for the people we’d demoralize
Phil: true
Phil:  they’d also have to open up more hospitals for the numerous amounts of sadist bitches we’d knock up
Phil: just ask Megan and her six kids

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2 thoughts on “How to be an Asshole With Style

  1. Pingback: The Best of Cognitive Dissonance: It’s Like Memory Lane, Except With Alcohol and Assholes | Cognitive Dissonance

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