Five things I know I know: about the Republican Primary

1. If your wife owns you in a snowball fight you are automatically disqualified from being president. Period. I’m sorry, call me sexist but there are some things that a guy should never lose to a girl in. Snowball fights are one of them. This is ESPECIALLY true when you get punked so bad that you have to quit because “your hands are too cold to pick up snow.” Seriously bro? What would the Russians think if they met the next President of the United States and it was a guy who lost a snowball fight to his wife. It’d be World War III I tell ya. Hell on Earth. If you care about your kids then don’t vote Mike Huckabee to become the next president of the United States.

2. Election’s are too long. Not because they take up too much time in the Calendar year, but because they’re not fights to the death. Thus I propose that we skip elections all together and have gladiator style fights to the death. And no not like that lame ass “new” American Gladiators BS. I’m talking Roman Collesium mets Japanese barbwire death matches. Three reasons why we should let fights to death determine our president:

1) Because i know im not the only one who’s thought “I’m not voting for him That other dude could totally kick
his ass”

2) You don’t like negative ads. Me either! If candidates fought to the death it would be the end of all negative
campaigning ! That;s 100% solvency.

3) It would probably produce better results than caucuses or Republican voting.

3. John Mcain looks like a robot, John McCain talks like a robot and John McCain moves like a robot. (An almost dead robot says Megan)

4. Ron Paul looks like my crazy old grandpa. And like any crazy old grandpa, his opinions should be ignored for anything that’s not Bingo, Oatmeal, or Matlock related.

5. Mitt Romney looks like a plastic Ken doll. His political stances are just as fake as a plastic Ken doll. What pro lifer “accidentally” sends a check to Planned Parenthood? Anyone who really believes that Mitt Romney is a conservative is :

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