5. Let her talk, but not too much. If she does, write on a little note card “TALKING CARD,” and give it to her. Immediately snatch it out of her hand.
6. Find out what her favorite flower is & buy them for her randomly, and then light them on fire. A hint: sometimes a single rose crushed underneath your merciless heel speaks more than a dozen thrown off of a bridge.
8. Remember that bit from Family Guy? DIAMONDS: She’ll pretty much have to. Remember that, and also remember that most girls can’t tell real diamonds from fake ones.
18. Pretend to throw her in front of traffic, and then do it for real. This is called the “bait and switch.”
And for Nat :
21. Stupid jokes= a backhand