The words on the tip of my tounge: 90% of life is showing up. 90% of that is trying to show up

(I’m beginning a new experiment on my blog where I sort of liveblog a conversation I’ve had with someone. I’ve noticed that sometimes I can have the same conversation with someone over and over again but it doesn’t click until I present in a unique format. So my hopes are that this will click with the various people I’m writing about. Enjoy)

So I thought about not writing this but I think it needs to be said. I’m not one for writing emo diary entries or pouring my heart out in my blog. (That’s you). I think people should talk to each other, not blog to each other. BUT…we’ve had this talk many times and you still don’t understand. So I figured I try and communicate to you in a way you’d prefer. We’re on good speaking terms but clearly you’re still struggling to learn from your mistakes in the past. (Mistakes according to you not me)

I rewrote this a few times. I’m trying to get the right tone. The right words. But I’ll just say it. You don’t try. Maybe we have different defintions of the word try. When I use the word try I use the dictionary definition. “try: to make an attempt”. When you use the word try you mean “I spent some time thinking about it, but I’m not going to say anything about it or act upon my thoughts” Don’t get me wrong; there is a time for thinking and a time for acting. A try or die scenario isn’t a call for deep philosophical thoughts. You’re the person on the Titanic who’s so afraid of making the wrong choice that you sit there while the boat sinks into the water, killed by your own inaction. But even worse, you shoot me down for trying. See the following:

Me: I don’t think you’re fair. How do you expect problems to be solved if you’re not willing to compromise?
You: I think you’re always trying to win. You say you want compromise but I don’t believe you.
Me: Alright. What can I do to prove to you that I want to compromise?
You: …there isn’t really anything. I don’t believe that you want to compromise.
Me: Well if I say I want to compromise and then you say you don’t believe me. Then I ask how I can prove to you that I want to compromise and you say there isn’t a way. What am I supposed to do?
You: …I don’t know
Me: How is that fair ?
You: It’s not.

Do you understand why I get upset with you? Why I get irritated when you accuse me of things?

I try to provide factual evidence to defend myself and I’m just “arguing with you and ‘trying to win’.

I ask you to point to situations where your accusations are true and you say “I can’t think of any” or you just flat out refuse.

I ask what I should be doing to get you to work with me and you say “I don’t know” or “there isn’t anything”

So basically what you’re saying is “I’ve come to a conclusion and I refuse to listen any facts or statements to the contrary which might make me rethink my prejudices”. Yeah, that a productive way to interact with someone.Clearly you’re right. This is all my fault because I’m the uncompromising jerk. By the way, I have a hard time believing your “Phillip is a jerk and is the cause of problems” comments when your blog entries disagree. Hmm should I believe the things you write in a moment of contemplation and deep thought or the things you say, admittedly, as a defensive mechanism?

Please explain to me why I’m such an asshole for asking you to tell me when something bothers you. GOD FORBID, that I lack the ability to read your mind.


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